it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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