Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
