Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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