My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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