It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
