meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
