I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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