Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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