Your face is a jimmy john
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
