i would punch a child for taco bell
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
