I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
