i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
