she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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