All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up under a house in Key West
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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