At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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