marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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