is your mom at the bar?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
