My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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