Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
