My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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