just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
