This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
