Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
