did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
