My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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