Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
wow bdsm is so cute
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
