Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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