Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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