I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just crazy horny about you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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