Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
