I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
