Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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