he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
