I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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