Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
