Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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