yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
