I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
