I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
