oh god was she eating orange peels again
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
