I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
