YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
