ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
