Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
