Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize