I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
