i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
