Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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