WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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