my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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