we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
