Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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