I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
