So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
only if we run a train.
done.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
