dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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