I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
