I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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