Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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