i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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