4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
