you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
