my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
