its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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