it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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