Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
