His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
